Toxic relationships, betrayal and breakups
When a relationship leaves you feeling hurt or questioning yourself
Perhaps you’ve spent a long time hoping things would change, only to feel hurt or let down again. Whether you’re still together or the relationship has ended, you may be struggling with what happened and how it has affected the way you feel about yourself.
Have you experienced any of the following?
- A toxic or unhealthy relationship where you feel criticised, dismissed, controlled or repeatedly let down
- Emotional unavailability, leaving you feeling alone even when you’re together
- Emotional immaturity, defensiveness or difficulty taking responsibility for hurtful behaviour
- Infidelity or another betrayal by someone you trusted
- A painful breakup that has affected your confidence and sense of who you are
Betrayal can also happen in relationships with family, friends, colleagues or people in your community. Whatever the relationship, being hurt by someone you trusted can leave you struggling to make sense of it.
I offer individual counselling and therapy to help you work through the emotional effects of these experiences.
Toxic relationships
You may know that the relationship keeps leaving you feeling hurt, unheard or unsure of yourself. You don’t need to know what label fits before seeking help
Perhaps you feel controlled, find your boundaries are ignored, or feel you have to be careful about what you say to avoid the other person’s reaction.
If your experience involves narcissistic abuse, you can also read about my support for narcissistic abuse.
After betrayal, infidelity or a painful breakup
Discovering infidelity or another betrayal can be devastating and affect how you view the relationship and the person you trusted. You may question what was real, blame yourself for not seeing it, or struggle to trust your own judgement.
A breakup can also bring grief even when you know the relationship was harmful. You might miss the person, the good moments or the future you hoped for, while also feeling anger, relief or confusion.
Whatever you’re feeling, we can start there.
How these experiences may be affecting you
You may notice:
- Replaying events and conversations, or finding it hard to switch off
- Anxiety, sadness, anger, shame or emotional numbness
- Difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite or physical tension
- Self-doubt and a loss of confidence
- Pulling away from people or things you usually enjoy
- Strong reactions to reminders of what happened
These experiences can affect how you feel about yourself and how you relate to others, even after the relationship has ended.
Emotional unavailability and emotional immaturity
You may feel lonely in the relationship, find it difficult to talk about feelings, or wish the other person would listen and try to understand.
When you raise something that has hurt you, they might become defensive, dismiss your feelings or turn the conversation back to themselves. You can end up comforting them while your own hurt goes unresolved.
Emotional unavailability or immaturity doesn’t automatically mean a relationship is abusive. But repeated disconnection and dismissal can still leave you hurt and doubting yourself.
Your questions answered
Can counselling help after betrayal or a painful breakup?
Yes, counselling can give you the space to process the shock, grief, anger, confusion, or loss of trust that can follow betrayal or the end of a relationship.
I support people recovering from emotionally difficult or harmful relationships, including those involving manipulation, control, narcissistic behaviour, or boundary violations. I also work with people dealing with the emotional impact of painful relationship endings.
My focus is on helping you process what you’ve been through and rebuild a sense of self-worth, clarity, and trust in yourself.
How can Clinical EFT and HeartMath® help after a betrayal or breakup?
Clinical EFT and HeartMath® help calm the body’s stress response and reduce emotional reactivity. This can make it easier to process intense feelings such as shock, grief, anger, and self-blame.
Over time, these approaches can ease rumination, support emotional healing, and help you rebuild self-trust and inner strength.
What if others don’t understand what I’ve experienced?
It can feel very isolating when your experience is minimised or misunderstood. Counselling offers support where you can feel heard, validated, and understood as you rebuild confidence and self-worth.
Can counselling help even if the other person isn’t willing to change?
Yes, I work with individuals rather than couples. Focusing on your own emotions, boundaries, and nervous system responses can support meaningful change for you, regardless of whether the other person is willing or able to change.
How do I rebuild trust after betrayal?
Rebuilding trust after betrayal can take time. Counselling can give you space to make sense of what happened, work through painful emotions, strengthen your boundaries, and rebuild confidence in your own judgement.
This can help you feel more secure in yourself and clearer about who and what you choose to trust.
Healing from relationship betrayal and breakups
I’m Heather Todd, a Holistic Counsellor based in Wellington. I offer support to people healing from relationship betrayal and breakups across New Zealand, Australia and beyond.
Through online counselling and therapy sessions, we create a safe and supportive space where you can:
- Process painful emotions in a safe, respectful way
- Work through painful emotions at a pace that feels manageable
- Rebuild self-worth and confidence after betrayal or loss
- Use practical tools to manage stress, anxiety, and overwhelm
- Restore trust in yourself, and over time, in others
Rebuild trust and embrace new beginnings
Using a range of therapeutic tools, I offer a personalised and compassionate approach that supports healing and meaningful change.
Clinical EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
An evidence-based approach that can help reduce emotional intensity and support nervous system regulation. It can be especially helpful when working through distressing thoughts, emotions, and memories following betrayal or relationship loss.
HeartMath® techniques
Simple, science-backed strategies that help regulate your nervous system and bring emotional balance. They can help you feel more grounded and clear-headed while navigating the emotional impact of betrayal or relationship loss.
Energy psychology
An integrative approach that helps you understand and work through emotional experiences using mind-body awareness and evidence-informed techniques to support deep, lasting change.
You don’t have to heal alone
Healing from betrayal or a painful breakup takes courage, and you don’t have to do it on your own. I offer a supportive space where you can work through what’s happened, reconnect with yourself, and move forward at a pace that feels right for you.
Online counselling and therapy sessions are available across New Zealand and Australia, with international sessions available by arrangement.
Book your free 15-minute consultation
Let’s talk about what’s been going on for you and whether working together feels like the right next step.
